I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
smell my finger.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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