i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
