I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
