I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
