he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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