I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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