Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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