i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
