I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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