So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
