I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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