So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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