So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
