He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
God I need to hump something, right now.
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