Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
