Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
