I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
