Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
People in love make me want to vomit
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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