I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
