It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
