I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
