I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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