When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
