as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
