...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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