Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
