I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
