Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
