i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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