tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
