I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have fence marks all over my body
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
