Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
