About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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