Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
