dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
