i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it's like iHOP with fire
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
