it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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