i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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