just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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