Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
