I just saw a hot homeless man
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
