her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
