I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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