Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
