Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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