Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
