I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
