There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
