as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
