i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
