I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
