Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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