Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
