Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
